Family estrangement - includes tips for leaders

Have you experienced this or know someone that has?

Heartbreak is a universal experience and I am addressing a particularly personal form of it—estrangement.

Whether you're estranged from a family member, know someone who is such as a team member, or are simply interested in the topic, then this blog is for you.

Why I am writing this

1. Connection: To connect with people who have had similar experiences and to offer support.

2. Awareness: To raise awareness about estrangement and provide tips for leaders.

3. Content development: To help me develop content for a book I am writing on the topic - the book I needed years ago.

4. Insight for fathers: To give insight to fathers who distance themselves from their daughters.

5. Tips for leaders: To support team members going through similar experiences, or have been impacted by it.

Estrangement Statistics

UK: In 2019, the BBC reported that 1 in 5 people are affected by estrangement - click here 

USA: A recent Impact post on social media stated that 27% of Americans are estranged from a family member - click here

Is this higher or lower than you expected?

My story

I recently shared my story on the 1hr 'Off The Comma' podcast hosted by Paul Brierly.

A brief summary

• I am an only child, once a daddy's girl, now estranged from my father due to his this third marriage.

• His move to Germany with his wife triggered feelings of insecurity, low self-worth, and self-esteem in me. I masked this pain for years, but close friends knew my struggles.

• Through resilience, therapy, coaching, hypnotherapy, and spiritual practices, I've developed the self-awareness and belief changes needed to find inner security and happiness. I now practice self-kindness in my thoughts and actions, and am at genuine peace with the situation - its taken me years!

• I followed my passion of learning and creating, and ended up in Learning & Development which was positive and uplifting. I loved my job which provided escapism.

• Working in the corporate world provided structure, interesting work, and personal growth. I’ve been blessed with amazing leaders and co-workers, many of whom are now close friends.

• I’ve accepted the situation with compassion for my dad, his wife, and myself. Everyone makes their choices, and I have gracefully accepted this truth.

Fathers play a crucial role in their daughters' lives, not just in childhood but through adulthood. Abandoning this role can lead to significant psychological challenges for daughters, including self-harming behaviours (listen to the podcast to find out more).

Message to fathers

Try and be as present as you can be, even in your new life. This will mean setting new boundaries, developing stronger communication skills and ensuring everyone's needs are met, including your own.

This might even mean seeking professional help yourself.

Tips for Leaders

Like many of us, I have first hand experience of the impact a great leader can have on a person's life. I have been blessed with leaders that had high EQ and could discern between my talents and my troubles. Seven top tips:

1. Be human

Provide psychological safety, and be okay with feeling uncomfortable listening to their issues.

2. Provide access to resources

Ensure they know about available mental health resources, like Employee Assistance Programs (EAP). Bend the rules if you have to.

3. Be flexible and understanding

Offer flexibility with work hours or deadlines.

4. Maintain confidentiality

Keep their information confidential. This is deeply painful and there can be feelings of shame involved.

5. Check-in regularly

Show genuine care and concern for their well-being. Even a quick call in the morning, or text exchange.

6. Encourage work-life balance

Promote activities that reduce stress and improve well-being. Not alcohol related - that's a different blog post!

7. Consider including the topic in wellbeing materials

Could basic understanding of estrangement to help create a supportive environment for people you know or think are going through something like this?

Please get in touch

If you would like to share your experience or need support, please get in touch. I am here to help and share in this journey.

Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy the podcast, let me know!

Louisa x