Do You Secretly Wish You Didn't Have to Drink This Christmas?

Is this you? You want to go to the Christmas Party, but deep down inside, you don’t want to drink.

You are not the only one. I've spoken to a few people who have shared this predicament, and I dedicate this blog to them and anyone else feeling the same way.

I remember this inner conflict myself, and I had it on and off for years for any social event, but come the 1st of December, that tension would go up for more notches, driven by the social pressure from others 'let's get together before Christmas and have a few drinks'.

Challenges of social pressure

I have several groups of friends, which meant several nights out for a few drinks, which meant several bad nights' sleep, several mornings waking up feeling weathered, dragging myself through each day on calls and meetings, and sometimes even thinking about the next drink to relieve the pain from the previous one. This is why I resented alcohol. Ultimately, it had to go, and on the 1st Jan 2021, it did.

You could say, 'Well, just don't drink,' but we all know that can be very hard if your mindset isn't quite there yet. I found that all parts of me needed to be locked into being alcohol-free for reasons that aligned with my soul and identity. And that took time - and a failed attempt. I stopped for 9 months in 2020, then started again, and then I stopped again nearly four years ago.

Why the stop-start? Years of conditioning. It's everywhere, and we have so many anchors to having a drink, not to mention alcohol is addictive.

A process to support this journey

A few years ago, I found this stages of change model, otherwise known as the Transtheoretical Model, which really spoke to me and my journey to living alcohol-free. I've brought my experience to life against the steps below.

My steps to change

Precontemplation - This was before I thought about stopping when I believed drinking didn't affect me that much. I drank most weekends and aimed for at least two AF nights a week to reset.

Contemplation - This was when I started to have these niggling feelings and thoughts about drinking. Such as wanting to see friends I usually drank with but not wanting to drink - and drinking anyway.

I noticed my annoyance when, at a friend's house, my wine glass was empty and I had to wait for someone to top it up. I did not like that an empty glass could bother me so much. This was also the phase when I deeply regretted drinking the next day, and I started to seriously ask myself, 'What would being a non-drinker actually be like?'

I also started researching slowly. I read books, listened to podcasts, and started to educate myself, which helped me visualise myself as a non-drinker. Check out the Resources below.

Preparation - The first time I stopped, I didn't make a fuss about this stage, but the second time, I did.

It's the date-setting moment. This included telling my friends and making plans for the first few weeks to give me a different life experience and get me out of old routines.

I remember drinking during this period, but I was going through the motions. I couldn't wait to stop again. Having the date set and a few weeks to get to that date helped me, but I appreciate that it might not work for everyone.

When asked why I was stopping again, I would reply:

• 'Because I'm done with the control it has over me and how I am living my life'

• 'I don’t like how I feel the next day and the day after that'

• 'I just don't think it's worth it anymore'

• 'I don't believe I need it to have a good time with my friends'

Action - The last time I stopped, I had my last drinks on New Year's Eve with a small group of friends. I woke up on the 1st of January and poured all the alcohol I had down the sink. It was very liberating, I recommend it! I spent time doing nurturing activities like planning more walks and dinners with friends and rewarding myself. My local reflexologist did well those first few months, and I was obsessed with herbal teas from Bird & Blend!

In the buildup to stopping again, I learnt that community is really important, so I ensured I followed people on Instagram and joined a few sober socials on Facebook, which was a great help in the first few weeks. I met people at the same stage as me, so we compared our experiences and shared tips; plus, we just celebrated that we had made the decision and were on the journey.

I also downloaded the free versions of the 'I am Sober' and 'Dry Jan' apps, which help me celebrate my progress and connect with others.

Maintenance - I regularly reflect and journal on the benefits of sobriety. I have built up a group of friends who also don't drink anymore or drink significantly less than they did before. I have shared my journey on LinkedIn, too. I also continue to follow and support the sober movement on social media and when it comes up in conversation.

Termination, which I call Celebration - Drinking no longer feels like a part of who I am, and I am keen to share my experience and be available for people who are pondering an alcohol-free lifestyle.

Are you in the Contemplative stage?

If you are feeling conflicted about your relationship with alcohol coming up and Christmas approaching, you could reframe the thought as 'maybe this is an invitation to explore'. No pressure, but if you are curious, then be curious...

I know it might seem scary. I remember the fear I had at the thought of never drinking again. That’s why it took me time to stop. Then I started again and missed the benefits of sobriety, so I knew I wanted to stop again!

Now I understand this pattern is quite normal, so if that happens to you, just be kind to yourself… it happens, and you can always stop again when it feels right.

My 10 Top Tips for socialising alcohol-free at Christmas

1. Find out what AF drinks the venue offers and plan what you will have. The good news is that many places have AF alternatives these days.

2. Have your rationale ready. For example, 'I don't fancy it this eve', or 'I've got something tomorrow morning', or 'I'm driving', or just be honest ', I'm actually experimenting and decided to come this eve not drink for a change'

3. Speak to one or two people going to the event and get their support; it will be handy to know you have backup for the early part of the evening. There will likely be other non-drinkers; find out who they are and consider chatting with them, too.

4. Know that for many people, ordering the first round is when you notice and feel different for not drinking. After people start drinking their alcohol, they will care less about you not drinking it.

5. Watch this video about Social Conformity. It demonstrates social conditioning and the instinct we have to follow others. How many times have you said, 'I'm not drinking tonight,' then arrived at the pub and instinctively ordered your regular? P.S.. This video had me in tears of laughter; I hope you like it, too!

6. Ignore any comments from people about you not drinking. Those comments are actually about them drinking. You not drinking draws attention to the fact they are. Ignore it with a smile and change the subject.

7. Explore AF options for home-based events. I have found that supermarket AF wine's and sparkling wines can be a bit hit-and-miss, so I tend to buy from online specialists like DryDrinker.com. But if anyone has come across a supermarket bottle, then let me know! It's a developing industry, and it's great to see winemakers focussing on developing their AF range. My other half goes for a Lucky Saint or Guinness Zero as an AF alternative.

8. Connect with the trend. More and more people are not drinking now. Here's a recent article from the Guardian highlighting one of the societal shifts surrounding the uptrend of sobriety.

9. Plan something for the next day you need to be on your game for, share that you might leave early and congratulate yourself on leaving sober. Enjoy a good night's sleep and wake up hangover-free! It's a gift you never tire of.

10. Read a previous blog I wrote about socialising AF here. 

Talk to someone who can help

My biggest piece of advice to anyone drinking more than they want to is to talk to someone. When I stopped the first time, I didn't connect with anyone about it, and looking back, I can see that didn't help. I was on my own with all those thoughts and feelings. It's no surprise Cote du Rhone got me in the end, doh!

The second time I stopped, I had more community plus experience, so my confidence and inner strength were a better place.

Get in touch

My door is always open to anyone wanting to explore their relationship with alcohol or ask me questions. And if you are clinically dependent, then please seek professional support. I'm trained to support Grey Area Drinkers only.

Resources

Andrew Huberman sharing an interesting fact on Instagram here.

People you could follow on Instagram:

• Andy Rammage

• Emily Horwood

• William Porter

• Alcohol Change UK

• Janey Lee Grace

• Kate Taylor

• Annie Grace

• David Wilson

• James Wanwick

More about my Alcohol-Free journey:

1. My first year - click here  

2. My second year - click here

3. Alcohol in the workplace - click here

4. More about my perspective on staying alcohol-free at social events - click here

Books:

• Alcohol Explained - By William Porter

• This Naked Mind - By Annie Grace

• Happy Healthy Sober - Janey Lee Grace

• The unexpected joy of being sober - Catherine Gray

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I am a coach and hypnotherapist with a strong corporate background in leadership development. I’m deeply passionate about supporting sober-curious individuals and helping them explore life without alcohol. Currently, I work as an Associate with three leading training consultancies, and in the coming year, my focus will shift to growing my coaching practice. This includes leadership development, emotional coaching, and hypnotherapy to build relaxation, confidence, and inner strength. I am also writing my first book on life with an estranged parent.

Beyond work, I am fascinated with quantum physics and astrology, and I’ve recently discovered a surprising passion for gardening—who would’ve guessed?!

This blog, “Do You Secretly Wish You Didn’t Have to Drink This Christmas?” is dedicated to everyone I’ve spoken with recently about the challenges of staying sober during the holidays, as well as anyone who might be reflecting on their relationship with alcohol.

 Have a great Christmas x